THE EXCITING JOURNEY OF Writing
a Fictional Book
"IT'S A LUXuRY BEING A WRITER, BECAUSE ALL YOU EVER THINK ABOUT IS LIFE."
The National Office of Science in Human Intellectual Texting, known as NO SHIT has released their findings on the Positive Aspects of Texting in Society or PATS. Ninety-One people participated in the study over the last six months. Per scientists, participants were evenly divided, forty-six males and forty-five females. No participants were older than 31 years of age, and 97% had accounts on Tinder. There is a 3% margin of error calculated into the study because those participants, or 2.73 people, own flip phones.
The purpose of the study was to show the positive mental effects of Texting during one's normal day. 89% of the participants say they no longer engage in idle conversation with the people they are with when they are eating in restaurants.
Some restaurants complain that patrons take longer to eat because they are busy texting and not eating. Restaurateurs say people are no longer enjoying the dining out experience. Texting some claim is disruptive to fellow diners.
Side note: A new establishment in posh Beverly Hills, The PicUPLATE, is the first of its kind. "Sit down take out," is how owner Moishe Yamagata describes his brainchild. He is credited with creating the latest food craze in Japan, "Fried Air." Moishe's quote, "You can't see it, you can't taste it, but it's all around you and comes in 8 flavors."
At PicUPLATE, food lovers enjoy an ambiance similar to Armageddon where they sit down and order one of 20 four course meals. Each course is specially prepared and brought to the table where patrons take two pictures of each course with their cell phones. Then the food is whisked away and poured into a take out container.
Between courses, patrons text others about their food experience. There is no eating allowed while dining at the PUP, which reduces costs of having utensils or napkins says, Yamagata. At the end of the gastronomical experience, each patron leaves with four food containers. They leave refreshed and hungry.
Yamagata says The PicUPLATE is booked for the next four months and the cost is $150 per 4-course meal.
The next study deals with outdoor activities and texting. This takes us to Silicon Valley and the start-up company, LOOK OUT. They have developed a thin layered bodysuit which can be worn even while in a swimming pool. The suit comes with 300 tiny sensors strategically placed. The wearer of a Look Out bodysuit is able to walk or hike anywhere without taking their eyes off their phone. The sensors have little pinheads embedded on the tips.
f there is a potential danger that the wearer is straying into traffic or walking off a cliff, the sensors immediately activate and the wearer is lightly jabbed continuously with 300 pinpricks throughout their body. The company says 100 of the 300 sensors are placed on and around the genital areas for shock purposes and is not to for stimulation.
The founder's son, Peter "Stump" Gasman was emotional during the interview says, "This has been a long time coming but the Look Out Body Suit is ready for market. My father would have been proud. I dedicate this product to him.
The actual work on the Look Out began when I was texting him in response to his text. He was in his office standing by the window, right up there," he points to a second-floor window overlooking the factory. "We keep our single engine Cessna here in the factory and Fred, our mechanic was working on the plane that day. Mistakenly, while responding to my father's text, I walked into a propeller blade." He held up his right arm which no longer had a right hand, hence "Stump."
"Two months later, after I got out of the hospital, I discovered my father was hiking on the rim of the Grand Canyon. It was a rainy day and the authorities said conditions were dangerous. I texted him.
The Look Out Body Suit will save countless lives. Crossing streets, standing on escalators, hiking like my dumb father, or just out for a morning walk without any regard for your environment. We are working on the next generation prototype called, 'Texting & Driving-No Problem.' That one is a little dicey but we think we can pull it off. Currently, we are also in discussions with Versace to make the Look Out bodysuit for outerwear.
Sometime in the near future, we will launch an IPO."
The study further shows that texting can help people develop an attitude of total disregard for other human beings, a heightened level of rudeness, and can also help strengthen your thumbs.
There is a slight chance, but no clinical evidence to support this, that texting may help with either weight loss or weight gain. Currently, a spokesperson from NO SHIT says when the company receives the one million dollar Federal Grant money check, which is in the mail, studies will begin. It is titled, "Fingers Do More Than You Realize."
#TONGUE IN CHEEK,#THE ONION,#TEXTING,#COMEDY,#TEXTING AND COMEDY,#FUNNY,#HUMOR,#guardians of the galaxy
If you thought that my report on TEXTING was too tongue and cheek here is an update. I found this on the Internet about a man who is suing his date for $17 because she was texting while they were seeing Guardians of the Galaxy part 2. (As many comedians say, "You can't make this shit up!)